my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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