I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
