sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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