True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
