Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize