Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
