Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Two words: nipple clamps
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