good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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