The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
