I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
