so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
there's paper in my vomit.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
