when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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