I think i peed on brittanys purse
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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