WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
