I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
