I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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