So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
