So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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