his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize