Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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