My Higher Power is John Stamos
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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