There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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