is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
