I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize