i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Drunk is a universal language darling
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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