I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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