Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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