please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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