I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
