Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i've created a new STD.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
