wakey wakey hands off snakey
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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