...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
