Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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