I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
