You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
