She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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