was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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