Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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