My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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