I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
