I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
