i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
