So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
as a side note pls kill me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
