Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Randomize