i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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