OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
