its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
