dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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