as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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