I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
