Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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