Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
