You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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