WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
