You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
