Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
