You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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