AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
