I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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