I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
