I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
