I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
