All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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