So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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