He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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