Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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