Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
