This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize