my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
