I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm at about main and main street
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
