Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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