when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
