highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
