Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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