i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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