He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
