just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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