If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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