Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
