i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I AM VODKA MAN
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
