I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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