Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
