I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
