I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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