I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
